Dealing With Tantrums - Muslim Way
Posted by Buat Si Manja on
🎭Why do our children have tantrums? Are they being irrational? As parents, we begin to realize that this sudden outburst of tears and anger happens either when they do not get what they want or while they are going to school. In the first week or perhaps a few weeks of school, our children may already be soaked in tears while wearing their school uniform or it can happen right outside the school gate.
We conducted a mini poll from our Instagram and 22% of our parents said that their children had tantrums on their first day of school.
Separating with someone they trust, in this case – their beloved parents, some children can experience sudden fear and sadness. At the same time, parents may feel overwhelmed with the situation they are facing with.
🌸Be calm and mentally prepared. Have a chat with your child the night before about school and give them assurance. Make a lot of zikrullah and prayers to Allah to help and guide us in making decisions. At the same time, teach our children to also do the same so that they will always seek Allah in whatever situation they face.
🌸Be consistent and avoid shortcuts. While ‘bribing’ with Mcdonalds every day after school might seem to stop all the ‘madness’, it will not help them in the long run.
👨👩👧👦Our children need to feel safe. Acknowledge their feelings and demonstrate kindness and gentleness with hugs and kisses. Knowing that we are able to comfort them, they trust in the things we affirm them with. In the future, children are able to trust parents to share about their feelings and not suppress them.
ْرَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَـنَا مِنۡ اَزۡوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ اَعۡيُنٍ وَّاجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِيۡنَ اِمَامًا
َOur Lord! Bless us with pious spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts and make
us models for the righteous” (Surah Al-Furqān: 74)
So here are some tips for parents:
Handle our Emotions
- Seek refuge in Allah by making Zikrullah (Ar-Rad:28)
- Be Prepared
- Prepare ourselves mentally.
- Constantly remind ourselves that we should be setting a good example for our children.
Helping our Children
- Manage their emotions
- Children do not know how to manage their emotions. Separation with a person they trust, triggers fear and sadness.
- Assure and comfort them that they are safe.
- Be gentle but firm
- The Prophet ﷺ said, “Indeed among the believers with the most complete faith is the one who is the best in conduct and the most kind to his family.” (At-Tirmizi)
- Taking shortcuts by ‘threatening’ or ‘bribing’ our children are temporary solutions that can lead to bigger problems in the future
- Al-Asma Ul-Husna
- Overcome fear and low self-esteem with the beautiful names of Allah
- Al-‘Araf : 108
- As – Salam | The Embodiment of Peace : Guard us from evil and ill feelings
- Al-Mukmin | The Infuser of Faith : Entrust Allah in our affairs
- Al-Mu’izz | The Honourer, The Bestower : Allah honours His servant who pleases Him
- Al-Muzil | The Dishonourer, The Humiliator : Fear from displeasing Allah
- Dua of Prophet Yunus A.S when enveloped in 3 layes of darkness (Al-Anbiya:87)
وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَوْلَادُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ وَأَنَّ اللَّهَ عِنْدَهُ أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌ
"And know that your wealth and your children are only a test and that with Allah is a great
reward." (Surah Al-Anfāl:28)